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Tanimagakure no sato no Shi

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1Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:40 pm

Hakkesho

Hakkesho



Tanimagakure no sato no Shi 339muiu

Tanimagakure no sato no Shi 93288542



Name: Haruno Shi (lit. Spring Field Death)
Nickname: N/A
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Village: Tanimuragakure no Sato
Village Rank: Chunin
Skill Rank: C


Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Apii

Height:
5' 8"
Weight: 175.9 lbs
Hair color: Black
Eye Color: Royal Blue

Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Personj

Personality Description:
Respectful/Rude: As a younger kid, Shi was very sociable and polite on the surface. His mother and father taught him the importance of respecting authority and staying in one's place. However, on the inside Shi is actually extremely rude and has a foul mouth. He often time stops himself from speaking because of his swearing problem. Due to his parents' constant drilling of being respectful to authority and what have you, Shi has a dislike for rules and regulations; preferring to do things his way rather than with restrictions. Balancing these two sides of himself sometimes causes Shi to speak to himself out loud. When someone points out that the fact that he's talking to himself, he acts as if he was completely oblivious to it. However, in reality, it is done purposely.

Sense of Obligation: Despite all of this, Shi does have a soft side. He doesn't like to leave people who are in need. It was often seen in his child hood for him to bring home injured animals, asking his mother and father to take care of them. If they refused, he would hide them in his room and nurture them for as long as he could. This feeling of obligation to the needy was greatly amplified when he became an official shinobi. Despite the rest of his ways, this side of Shi has to be the most prominent. His entire persona changes at the sight of an injured ally, or even a stranger. Due to this, he is very protective of those close to him. Family, friends, and lovers are all held, not near his heart, but in his heart. Keeping them safe and out of harm's way is one of the most important things in his life. In fact, it is a continuous, personal mission of his.

Flirtatious/Lustful: When it comes to his leisure time activities, he is most likely trying to flirt with a girl with cheesy pick up lines. Shi is very flirtatious towards women and in all honesty, they are his true weakness. Shi will do just about anything for a beautiful young woman. Their wish is his command -- as long as he gets what he wants in the end. He is put into a trance at the sight of a woman with a nice set of breasts. During his medical training, when it came to studying the woman's body, Shi flew threw it without trouble. Despite being so lustful towards woman, he tries to maintain himself around them and keep a gentlemen like composure.
Likes: The human body, beef dumplings, women.
Dislikes: Loud people, rude people, insecure people.
Catch Phrases: "One hit K.O!"
Nindo: "Medical Ninja are essential to both offense and defense, survival and death."


Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Wandi

Weapon List: Kunai x20, Shuriken x30, Smoke Bomb x5, Explosive Tags x10, Solider Pills x5, Scrolls Containing Various Medical Supplies x2, Sleeping Gas Bomb x3, Metallic Wire 10 Meters, Empty Storage Scrolls x3

Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sumu

Contract: Slugs
Name: Katsuyu
Rank: B
Element: --
Personality: Polite, Respectful, Protective.
Appearance: A giant, white slug with blue color distortions.
Weapons or Items: Corrosive Acid
History: After completing the Chunin Exams and successfully passing, Shi's sensei, Rokusen, presented a large scroll to him. Ignorant to what it was, Shi foolishly denied the gift. However, after being taught the Summoning Technique, Shi was later able to figure out why the scroll was given. Opening the scroll and seeing the all of the empty summoner openings, Shi wasted no time in signing the Slug Contract. Sadly, even after signing, Katsuyu chose not to teach him. Only after a year's time was he able to convince the great slug to work with him.
Jutsu:
Techniques:

Tanimagakure no sato no Shi 98095886

Jutsu Specialist: Primary: Medical Techniques, Secondary: Sealing Techniques
Chakra Pool: C - 160
Element Affinity: Earth Release
Sub Element Affinity: --
Jutsu:
Spoiler:
These jutsu are automatically learned by you're character.
Spoiler:


Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Handr

History:
CHAPTER ONE:


CHAPTER TWO:



Last edited by Hakkesho on Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:13 am; edited 4 times in total

2Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:32 pm

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

Before I look deeper into your character:

  • You need full paragraphs for your personality description. For a chunin, at least 3 would be preferred.
  • You had an inappropriate like on your character, and I edited it out. Please, keep it PG-13, and add in a different like. When threading, as long as you warn people of the contents of the thread, it's fine, but on a character sheet, it isn't.
  • The same goes for your catch phrase.

Once these edits have been made I'll take another look.

3Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sat Sep 21, 2013 9:16 pm

Hakkesho

Hakkesho

Edited. I hope what I put for my personality will suffice for my three paragraphs. If not, just let me know. If you see anything else wrong, I have no problem with editing it. Just point it out.

4Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sat Sep 21, 2013 10:21 pm

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

Sorry, but when I said three paragraphs, I meant three separate paragraphs.

What you have right now is a good start, but it's only about 1 paragraph - it could be split into two, but even then they'd need a little bit more added to it.

As well, your Jutsu and Summon need ranks.

I'll look deeper into the character when these edits have been made.

5Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:20 pm

Hakkesho

Hakkesho

Edited. Anything else?

6Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:04 am

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

Alright, now to look at everything else:

  • Your primary is fine, but the Sensory Technique isn't its own mastery. That should probably be Ninjutsu.
  • Scrap the Earth release technique. That's combining at least 3 different techniques into one C-Rank, which I can't allow. Hiding like a Mole, Earth Wall, and projectile earth techniques all have their own techniques of varying rank.
  • Your techniques are plagiarized from Narutopedia - sometimes, it still says 'Sakura Haruno' or 'In the Anime'. Write these in your own words, please.
  • Many Blooming Flowers sounds like a Katon technique, which a Doton-user with a Medical primary wouldn't be likely to have at C-Rank.
  • The Haruno Family doesn't exist on this site, unless it's completely different than Sakura's family. Seeing as though this character resembles Sakura in many ways, I must warn you about this.
  • This is more of a nitpick, and I adore that you combined the history and RP sample, but you have large walls of text. These are irritating to read, and you should space your paragraphs out.

This is the only other batch of problems I see with this. After edits have been made, I'll look over again, and most likely give you my 1/2.

7Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:20 am

Hakkesho

Hakkesho


  • Okay, that's fine. I'll pick another Secondary Archetype.

  • The Earth Release technique was canon I presumed since I found it on leafninja.com. I'll change it though if need be. Found here: http://leafninja.com/skills.php

  • I understand what you mean, but wouldn't it be fine just for me to credit naruto.wikia in the post for the descriptions? That would save a lot of time.

  • Yeah, I completely misread the naruto.wikia page. I'll search for another jutsu to sub in for it.

  • I mean.. if I have to change the name, I guess it's fine..

8Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:23 am

Kosshi Kaguya

Kosshi Kaguya


  • The Earth Release technique they have on their site is flawed. The pictures they're showing are for dramatically different techniques, from Hiding like a Mole to Headhunter. Use Narutopedia for Canon techniques, and I can assure you that 'Doton no Jutsu' is definitely not canon.
  • You could give credit to Narutopedia, but please, put in some effort to clean up the descriptions a bit.
  • You'll only have to change the name if it is supposed to be the same as Sakura's family.


(( This is still Tsugeki btw ))

9Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:13 am

Hakkesho

Hakkesho

Fixed. Haruno is just a family. Not the one Sakura came from.

10Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:06 am

Tsugeki Genshi

Tsugeki Genshi

1/2 ~

11Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:48 am

Revy

Revy

Need Charkra enhanced strength for this Name: Cherry Blossom Collision
Rank: C
Type: Medical, Taijutsu
Element: --
Range:[ Short
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: None
Description: While some may see it as "superhuman strength", this technique is actually an application of medical ninjutsu, that demands the ability to concentrate and minute chakra control. An immense amount of chakra is kneaded inside the body, and a moment later all of it it is gathered into the fist. That chakra is then released into the target, which does a great amount of damage. With the damage done dependent on the amount of chakra used, it is also possible for a skilled shinobi to amass it in their fingertip. When the ground is hit it is pulverised into minute pieces by the excess shock, which are then scattered like flower petals, giving rise to the name "Cherry Blossom Impact".

Also anything else revolving around this needs to be removed as it is a limited ability.

12Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:47 am

Hakkesho

Hakkesho

Kaira wrote:Need Charkra enhanced strength for this Name: Cherry Blossom Collision
Rank: C
Type: Medical, Taijutsu
Element: --
Range:[ Short
Duration: 1 Post
Cooldown: None
Description: While some may see it as "superhuman strength", this technique is actually an application of medical ninjutsu, that demands the ability to concentrate and minute chakra control. An immense amount of chakra is kneaded inside the body, and a moment later all of it it is gathered into the fist. That chakra is then released into the target, which does a great amount of damage. With the damage done dependent on the amount of chakra used, it is also possible for a skilled shinobi to amass it in their fingertip. When the ground is hit it is pulverised into minute pieces by the excess shock, which are then scattered like flower petals, giving rise to the name "Cherry Blossom Impact".

Also anything else revolving around this needs to be removed as it is a limited ability.


I've been approved for the ability.

13Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Empty Re: Tanimagakure no sato no Shi Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:09 am

Revy

Revy

your request expired a few days ago and someone else has claimed it the spot again so you will have to remove it.

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